How do I Invest in NASA?
I was thinking about how impossible it is to find an absolutely guaranteed investment. Any stock you might care to buy can eventually go down, usually in response to some misstep by the company, or just a rumor of one. Where can I find a stock that is 100% immune to bad news? Whose corporate officers are never fired, no matter how incompetent they prove themselves to be? Where cost overruns on new products are so commonplace that no one seems to care? Where cash infusions are always available, and no one gets in trouble just for siphoning off a few million now and then?
Then it hit me: we need to take NASA public! It has billions of dollars in future contracts (all taxpayer backed), no one ever gets fired, and a complete monopoly on its market in the US! We are always being told how important space exploration is, and how essential to humanity's future, so it must have enormous financial upside. Also, when the guys over at SETI finally manage to get ET on the phone you can bet that the merchandising tie-ins will be worth even more than the Star Wars franchise. That is, if the alien gods will still allow us to use money. And give us time off from slaving in their mines to go shopping.
In this era of forced corporate responsibility (Sarbanes-Oxley, etc.) NASA would have a huge edge. Where else can you not only go billions over budget but occasionally blow up several employees and simply say, "Oopsie." What other corporate entity could partner with Russia on building a space station, and have the media actually pretend to be surprised when the Russian equipment malfunctions, threatening the entire project, while the government provides all necessary funding to completely replace all the bad gear that any fool knew would need to be replaced from day one? No one will be fired either, thus insuring a stable corporate leadership.
Come to think of it, I don't really want to invest in NASA. I want to work for NASA. I'm not exactly a rocket scientist, but that should be close enough for government work. How soon can I get my government credit card (the one with no limit and no consequences if I decide to use it to, say, buy a Mustang convertible)?
Then it hit me: we need to take NASA public! It has billions of dollars in future contracts (all taxpayer backed), no one ever gets fired, and a complete monopoly on its market in the US! We are always being told how important space exploration is, and how essential to humanity's future, so it must have enormous financial upside. Also, when the guys over at SETI finally manage to get ET on the phone you can bet that the merchandising tie-ins will be worth even more than the Star Wars franchise. That is, if the alien gods will still allow us to use money. And give us time off from slaving in their mines to go shopping.
In this era of forced corporate responsibility (Sarbanes-Oxley, etc.) NASA would have a huge edge. Where else can you not only go billions over budget but occasionally blow up several employees and simply say, "Oopsie." What other corporate entity could partner with Russia on building a space station, and have the media actually pretend to be surprised when the Russian equipment malfunctions, threatening the entire project, while the government provides all necessary funding to completely replace all the bad gear that any fool knew would need to be replaced from day one? No one will be fired either, thus insuring a stable corporate leadership.
Come to think of it, I don't really want to invest in NASA. I want to work for NASA. I'm not exactly a rocket scientist, but that should be close enough for government work. How soon can I get my government credit card (the one with no limit and no consequences if I decide to use it to, say, buy a Mustang convertible)?
posted by The Uncertified Kook at 2:50 PM
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