Camper's Guide (part 2)

Commercially-available camp stoves have the heating power equivalent of a moose's armpit. You have to decide whether you prefer the flavor of propane or moose sweat. No contest. It's easier to get the moose heated up. Just whistle "Baby Love" by the Supremes. Moose seem to react very warmly to it.

No camping experience is complete without a fire, so be sure to bring a chainsaw and a gallon or two of gasoline. Be sure to select a campsite a good distance from the ranger station, as park rangers can be real spoil-sports.

Since it almost always begins to rain within minutes of pitching your tent, bring a tall metal pole in case there is lightning. This will insure that you can still get a fire going, or at least gets you invited inside a nearby RV if you agree to put it away.

Finally, bring a large knife and sharpen it frequently and obstreperously. This will keep away undesirables like rangers and nosy campers who might want to know what you're doing to that moose.