Camper's Guide (Part 1)

Camping is an outdoor activity that is very popular among parolees from mental institutions. These camping aficionados camp with the same enthusiasm they used to apply to their search and destroy chihuahua missions, or whatever it was that got them committed. But camping is legal because woodland creatures are more likely to terrorize you than be terrorized themselves, although this does not apply to squirrels who live in a state of perpetual terror.

There is also a small section of the population that thinks camping might be fun to try. For most, it does not take long for them to realize their error. The rest have to be taken to places like Happy Dale to "rest" for a while, but it's too late for them. They are already avid campers.

My friend Fred, who is coincidentally residing at Happy Dale, is a true camper. I have asked him to write a brief tutorial for you neophytes out there who are ill-prepared for the adventure that lies ahead. Be advised that not everything Fred says is, strictly speaking, sane. But he knows camping.

Equipment: Every successful camper knows that proper equipment is essential for an enjoyable camping experience. While I find it important not to bring too much, if you insist on bringing a TV and microwave along, do not forget to bring a long enough extension cord. If you are going to an official campground, just bring jumper cables and a small transformer and hook up to any one of the available cars, provided it isn't yours.