"Scouting" Around

"Hey look! The weather forecast is calling for three days of rain, flash-floods, lightning, high winds, and maybe hail! Everyone pack up for a camping trip." Thus spake my beloved scoutmaster shortly before his untimely demise at the hands of a black bear. We warned him not to take shelter in that cave. At least that's the story we gave the authorities.

Yes, for a brief period in my life I was a Boy Scout. I probably built a lot of character in the Scouts, since I remember it as one of the worst experiences of my life. I learned only two things in the Boy Scouts.

One, is that you cannot start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, using flint and steel, or any other method that does not make use of matches. If you will need to start a fire, always bring matches. Second, don't bother to bring matches on a Scout campout. It will always be raining anyway, and guess what? Wet wood doesn't burn. Now that I think about it, I learned three things, the third being never go camping with the Boy Scouts.

The more I reflect on it, the more I realize how educational Scouting was for me. I remember learning several other valuable lessons, like never give a kid who is wet, cold, and hopped up on "survival rations" (twinkies, chocolate bars, and straight granulated sugar) an axe. Our assistant scout master actually was the one who discovered this. Good old "Stumpy" McGee. Also, never swim downstream from where the cub scouts are, as they are all incontinent little weasels.